Web Lecture 5 – Blog 4
In Web Lecture 5, Professor Cyborg discusses the attachment styles listed in Ch. 15 of our text. The attachment style we naturally possess is based on how our primary caregivers raised us in our early childhood. This same attachment style that developed in the early stages of our lives can be prevalent in our later relationships. However, as Professor Cyborg states, “these early attachments are important, but not deterministic in that your relationships with your parents or other primary caregivers will change as you age.” I really appreciate how it is stressed that communication and how we relate to others can be a conscious, mindful effort. Although we all have natural tendencies to communicate and behave in certain ways based on our personalities and how we were raised, we still have a mind that enables us to reconsider our tendencies. If we naturally have an ambivalent or avoidant attachment style, we can learn to develop a secure attachment style. Despite our upbringing, we can always adjust our ways of thinking and being in order to improve our interpersonal relationships and satisfaction.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Week 5 - Blog 3
Ch. 15 Family and Life Span Issues – Blog 3
Hazan and Shaver’s Model of attachment styles are described on p. 470, and Bartholomew’s Model is described on p. 472. I appreciate how Bartholomew elaborates on Hazan and Shaver’s avoidant attachment style by splitting it into two groups: dismissive and fearful. In earlier chapters, it is mentioned that there seems to be an increase in narcissistic personalities. With that in mind, it makes sense for there to be a dismissive attachment style which reflects a positive self-outlook but a negative view of others.
The section following the attachment styles discusses different turning points in parent-child relationships. One turning point mentioned is jealousy, which occurs when a child feels one or both parents show favoritism toward a sibling. Although this is not a common turning point, it caught my attention because I recently read an article in Psychology Today that talked about mothers having a favorite child. In one particular study discussed in the article, researches found that 80% of mothers over the age of 65 admitted to having a favorite child. Some of the women interviewed in the article used a nom de plum due to their shame and embarrassment for disclosing this taboo-like information. I think you can see favoritism among siblings, too, where certain siblings get along better with one of the other. Familial relationships are unique in that you can’t choose them. You don’t have a choice in whether or not your personalities will mesh well with your siblings, parents, etc.
Hazan and Shaver’s Model of attachment styles are described on p. 470, and Bartholomew’s Model is described on p. 472. I appreciate how Bartholomew elaborates on Hazan and Shaver’s avoidant attachment style by splitting it into two groups: dismissive and fearful. In earlier chapters, it is mentioned that there seems to be an increase in narcissistic personalities. With that in mind, it makes sense for there to be a dismissive attachment style which reflects a positive self-outlook but a negative view of others.
The section following the attachment styles discusses different turning points in parent-child relationships. One turning point mentioned is jealousy, which occurs when a child feels one or both parents show favoritism toward a sibling. Although this is not a common turning point, it caught my attention because I recently read an article in Psychology Today that talked about mothers having a favorite child. In one particular study discussed in the article, researches found that 80% of mothers over the age of 65 admitted to having a favorite child. Some of the women interviewed in the article used a nom de plum due to their shame and embarrassment for disclosing this taboo-like information. I think you can see favoritism among siblings, too, where certain siblings get along better with one of the other. Familial relationships are unique in that you can’t choose them. You don’t have a choice in whether or not your personalities will mesh well with your siblings, parents, etc.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Week 5 - Blog 2
Ch. 13 Managing Interpersonal Conflict – Blog 2
Conflict patterns are discussed on pages 414 through 417. “Everything in moderation” is a rather common saying that people use to promote balance. Dealing with conflict is no different. The authors of our text state on p. 414 that moderation in each of these conflict patterns is key to managing conflict effectively. Something that was repetitive in a couple of the conflict styles was the idea that couples can start to compete with each other rather than cooperate. The consensus seems to be that competition between couples is not a healthy way to communicate or resolve conflict. Couples should be on each others’ side and realize they’re on the same team.
Something else I found intriguing about this section is that it suggests people should validate one another before offering a counterproposal. This concept is vital to healthy interpersonal relationships. Validation shows the other party that you were not only listening but are legitimizing what they’ve said. It’s much easier to deal with conflict rationally when both members validate each others views.
Conflict patterns are discussed on pages 414 through 417. “Everything in moderation” is a rather common saying that people use to promote balance. Dealing with conflict is no different. The authors of our text state on p. 414 that moderation in each of these conflict patterns is key to managing conflict effectively. Something that was repetitive in a couple of the conflict styles was the idea that couples can start to compete with each other rather than cooperate. The consensus seems to be that competition between couples is not a healthy way to communicate or resolve conflict. Couples should be on each others’ side and realize they’re on the same team.
Something else I found intriguing about this section is that it suggests people should validate one another before offering a counterproposal. This concept is vital to healthy interpersonal relationships. Validation shows the other party that you were not only listening but are legitimizing what they’ve said. It’s much easier to deal with conflict rationally when both members validate each others views.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Week 5 - Blog 1
Ch. 12 Seeking Compliance in Interpersonal Relationships – Blog 1
The beginning of chapter 12 discusses compliance gaining goals, plans, and actions (p. 365). The text states that we tend to seek compliance in our interpersonal relations by first developing a goal. After a goal has been established, we begin making plans that will enable us to achieve that goal. Finally, we put into action the plan we’ve created to achieve the goal.
I’ve witnessed this sequence of compliance gaining not only among close interpersonal relationships, but also among strangers. My husband and I like to frequent Crissy Field in San Francisco. It’s our favorite spot in the city, because it’s clean, fresh, and you get great views of the downtown, the bay, and Golden Gate Bridge. People often bring their pets to the park, and “courtesy stations,” if you will, with plastic bags and garbage cans have been placed throughout the park in an effort to encourage pet owners to pick-up after their animals. One afternoon, as my husband and I were strolling through the park, we saw someone’s dog drop a load in the middle of a walkway. My husband instantly went into “compliance seeking mode.” The goal was to get the dog’s owner to recognize that it was his responsibility to pick up after his animal and thus contribute to keeping the walkway clean. The plan was to get the owner’s attention and inform him that it was his dog who left the mess. The action steps involved first informing the owner that his dog did “the deed” and then providing the owner with a solution. The owner of the culprit first looked at the pile as if he didn’t know what to do with it. It was then that my husband pointed to a trash can and said, “…there are plastic bags there that you can use to pick it up and throw it away.” My husband followed the goal-planning-action sequence in order to attain his goal of keeping a clean Crissy Field.
The beginning of chapter 12 discusses compliance gaining goals, plans, and actions (p. 365). The text states that we tend to seek compliance in our interpersonal relations by first developing a goal. After a goal has been established, we begin making plans that will enable us to achieve that goal. Finally, we put into action the plan we’ve created to achieve the goal.
I’ve witnessed this sequence of compliance gaining not only among close interpersonal relationships, but also among strangers. My husband and I like to frequent Crissy Field in San Francisco. It’s our favorite spot in the city, because it’s clean, fresh, and you get great views of the downtown, the bay, and Golden Gate Bridge. People often bring their pets to the park, and “courtesy stations,” if you will, with plastic bags and garbage cans have been placed throughout the park in an effort to encourage pet owners to pick-up after their animals. One afternoon, as my husband and I were strolling through the park, we saw someone’s dog drop a load in the middle of a walkway. My husband instantly went into “compliance seeking mode.” The goal was to get the dog’s owner to recognize that it was his responsibility to pick up after his animal and thus contribute to keeping the walkway clean. The plan was to get the owner’s attention and inform him that it was his dog who left the mess. The action steps involved first informing the owner that his dog did “the deed” and then providing the owner with a solution. The owner of the culprit first looked at the pile as if he didn’t know what to do with it. It was then that my husband pointed to a trash can and said, “…there are plastic bags there that you can use to pick it up and throw it away.” My husband followed the goal-planning-action sequence in order to attain his goal of keeping a clean Crissy Field.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)