Week 3 - Blog 2

Ch. 7 Disclosing the Self – Blog 2

On p. 188, Social Penetration Theory (SPT) is discussed; this theory suggests that we assess relationships based on their rewards and costs, and we seek intimate relationships where the rewards outweigh the costs. Altman and Taylor elaborate on SPT stating that self-disclosure is more frequent in the beginning of relationships, and as relationships become closer, self-disclosure lessens. I wonder if these two notions contribute to relational digression. If people are primarily seeking relationships that benefit them (rewards and cost), then they may not be focused enough on the contributions they themselves should make in the relationship. Furthermore, this idea that self-disclosure ceases as a relationship becomes more intimate can also discourage relational longevity. I read a book recently where the author discussed his relationship with his wife. He said that he and his wife are constantly changing and growing, and because of that, he continually discovers new things about her that he didn’t know before. He went on to say that if people start to think that they know everything there is to know about their partner, then the relationship tends to become stifled and mundane. It may be the norm for people to disclose less as they become more intimate, but…maybe we should work against our natural tendencies if we desire to enhance relational satisfaction and longevity.

Our text discusses Rawlins’s Model of Disclosure Decision Rules on pages 194-196. I appreciate the “likelihood of candor” perspective. This suggests that disclosing our opinions isn’t only determined by our assessment of how we will feel about the disclosure, but it is also determined by our assessment of how the recipient will feel. It’s almost like the saying “choose your battles.” There are moments when it just isn’t worth it to proselytize your views, particularly when it will do more harm than good.